Every day, six men in Australia take their own lives, largely unnoticed by society.
Suicide is the leading cause of death for Australian men aged 15 to 44.
Men feel invisible, forgotten, and yearn for recognition and understanding.
Young men, in particular, seek belonging, guidance, and genuine connections. They need environments where their emotions are validated and their struggles acknowledged.
Today, masculinity is under siege. Expressing traditional masculine traits often leads to backlash and criticism. Society tells men that these traits are outdated and toxic, and that expressing masculinity is the root of evil and destruction.
This assault on masculinity leaves men directionless and weakened, causing confusion and making them question their roles in society.
Discussing men's issues is often seen as controversial, resulting in backlash and labels of misogyny or toxic behavior.
This silence means the problems many men face are ignored, rendering them invisible. Society tells men to handle their problems alone, to just 'man up' and keep going.
The Impact on Mental Health
When men feel unappreciated, it causes serious problems:
43% of Australian males report having experienced a mental disorder at some point in their lifetime.
Around 18% of Australian males had a mental health disorder within the last 12 months.
Men are less likely to seek help for mental health issues: only 36.4% compared to 52% of women.
Men are three times more likely to die by suicide compared to women, with 75% of suicide deaths being men.
46% of men reported that they are lonely.
Loneliness increases the risk of death by 26%.
The impacts of loneliness are comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes per day.
Dysfunctional Men and Societal Harm
Dysfunctional men are a danger to everyone. They become angry and resentful, commit more crimes, and are more vulnerable to becoming radicalized. They cause more harm than good to society.
Our current approach creates these men at an alarming rate while demonising many good men who need help and support.
Men have higher rates of mental illness, struggle to find jobs, lack close friends, can't find partners, and are becoming more isolated and lonely.
We have created an environment where men feel lost and alone. They feel they have no one to turn to for support, believing they have to do it on their own.
They are pressured to 'man up' and suppress their emotions, fearing the reaction if they speak out.
They don't see a future for themselves or a way out of their situation, leading to hopelessness, anxiety, and depression. They isolate themselves further and become increasingly alone with no way out.
With no one to turn to and no way to fix the deep pain they feel within, they seek escape through substance abuse. Unable to deal with these emotions, they try to numb them, turning to drugs, alcohol, porn, gaming, or any other way to distract themselves from their unbearable existence.
They seek more pleasure from short-term gratification, only to realise they need more and more to feel what they felt before, which only compounds the hurt they feel inside.
I empathise deeply with the male experience.
Working with men daily, I see the pain stemming from a world that offers little love or support to them. Most men don't feel love every day. They are lucky to get one compliment a year, usually from their partner (if they have one) or their mother.
Most men don’t get supported or appreciated for their efforts. All men want is to feel appreciated for their existence. To feel like they are needed, wanted, and valued, but society makes them feel like they are a burden for existing.
So much so that six men kill themselves every day as a result.
The Loss of Identity
Fiona Shand, an Australian researcher, conducted a study on the words men who took their own lives used to describe themselves. The two words most commonly used were "useless" and "worthless."
This highlights a significant philosophical problem: men are losing their sense of identity.
They no longer know what it means to be a man or their role in life.
Traditional views of masculinity stress traits like strength, providing, dominance, and being breadwinners. However, modern society tells men to neglect these parts of themselves, to become more feminine. Men feel forced to choose between appearing weak or inauthentic.
The Impact of Changing Roles
Women have started to adopt more masculine traits and are becoming independent, which has helped them flourish. This progress should be supported, but we must not neglect the impact it has had on men.
Men no longer feel valued; they have lost their role and identity in what it means to be a man. There is a genuine lack of empathy for men at a systemic level.
Discussing these issues publicly is often met with scrutiny. I speak with men who are too afraid to speak up out of fear of looking misogynistic or offending someone.
How have we got to the point where we can't even have a conversation about this?
This creates a new taboo, making men feel invalidated and inferior, with no one to turn to or support them.
When men truly lose themselves, they become deeply vulnerable. They are open to negative influences, but not ones that have society's best interest at heart.
The Path Forward
So how do we solve this problem? What is next for these men?
Advocating for Systemic Changes
We need more male role models in society, especially in early education and HEAL (Health, Education, Administration, and Literacy) sectors. Currently, there is a significant lack of male teachers, psychologists, and therapists. I can speak from experience as a male in a female-dominated industry. For instance, only 9.6% of occupational therapists are males. This disparity is notable in other sectors as well.
In Australia, approximately 12.9% of men aged 16-85 sought help from a health professional for their mental health. This low percentage is not surprising considering the lack of male representation in the workforce. Men often feel more comfortable seeking help from other men who understand their unique experiences. We need to stop blending the lines of gender and recognise that men's problems are distinct and require specific attention.
Change can only happen when these problems are acknowledged and met with empathy. We need to break the stigma surrounding men's issues and create environments where men feel understood and supported. By increasing the presence of male role models in key sectors, we can provide the guidance and connection that many men desperately need.
Tailored Mental Health Initiatives
Mental health initiatives must be designed to address the specific needs of men. Many existing programs overlook the unique challenges that men encounter. Paul Litwin, the founder of Mens Talk AU is making significant strides in this area by tackling mental health at the community level. His organisation provides resources that genuinely resonate with men of all ages, making the topic more accessible and less stigmatised. These efforts are crucial for creating mental health support systems that truly cater to men’s experiences and foster a sense of understanding and community across all age groups.
Redefining the Schooling System
I believe that the schooling system needs to be redefined. Neuroscience suggests that men's cognitive functioning is two years behind their female counterparts. The current school environment promotes a one-size-fits-all approach, where if you don't fit into that criteria, you are deemed a failure. As a result, fewer men are pursuing higher education, and there are not enough alternative pathways or opportunities for boys and young men who want to explore other avenues. There needs to be more funding to help men transition towards other areas of employment or allow them to upskill themselves.
Building Emotional Resilience
There is not enough focus on building emotional resilience. We live in a world where we have never been so connected through social media, yet we are simultaneously disconnected and distracted. We are not taught how to be emotionally healthy, to deal with and healthily manage our emotions. Instead, we often distract and numb ourselves until these emotions manifest in disease. Teaching emotional resilience is crucial for helping men navigate their emotions and live healthier, more fulfilling lives.
Redefining Masculinity
As much as I believe society and other men must change the systemic way of thinking toward men’s issues and redefine what masculinity means, I also believe strongly in men taking responsibility for themselves.
1) Personal Responsibility and Accountability
No one is coming to save you. No one is going to live your life for you. People can guide you, but they can't live your day-to-day life every waking second. You need to take responsibility for the life in front of you.
You can hate and blame the world or think you live in a rigged system. But the reality is that the only person hurting is yourself. This mindset will keep you a victim of your circumstances and prevent you from moving forward with your life.
2) Reconnecting with Self
Men need to reconnect with themselves. They need to turn their attention inward and explore what is going on inside them. Shine a light on the parts of yourself that you have been hiding. Allow yourself to feel the pain you have been burying and refusing to acknowledge.
We live in a world where men don't know what they stand for anymore. They don't know what they value or who they want to become. They have lost connection with the most important person: themselves. There is a disconnect between the person they are and the person they want to be.
3) Finding Direction and Purpose & Being of Service
Men need a sense of direction in life. We need purpose, a strong will, and a sense of responsibility. Without a purpose, men perish. Men need to begin to explore their strengths and talents. To learn what their unique gifts are and use them in the service of others.
Men should strive to be of service to their family, community, colleagues, and friends. Creating a surplus for others is a powerful way to find meaning and purpose in life. When you contribute positively to the lives of others, you not only help them but also enrich your own life.
4) Mastery and Financial Stability
You need to master your craft. Learn to get your affairs in order. Money is an extremely important part of that equation. I am not going to sit here and say money doesn’t matter because it does. Your life is greatly improved when you are financially secure. Your access to opportunities increases, your mating prospects improve, and there is a positive correlation between making more money and well-being.
5) Physical Health and Wellbeing
Maintaining physical health through regular exercise, proper nutrition, and adequate rest is foundational. Your physical health directly impacts your mental health, energy levels, and overall quality of life. When you push your body, you release endorphins that boost your mood and reduce stress. It's a natural antidepressant.
Taking care of your physical health sets the foundation for everything else in your life. It gives you the strength and resilience to handle challenges, the energy to pursue your goals, and the mental clarity to make sound decisions. Most men neglect their physical well-being, and it begins to bleed into all areas of their life.
A Call to Action
I understand that these changes are not going to happen overnight. But something needs to change. Six men will die by suicide today, and another six tomorrow.
No one should feel so lost and unsupported that they believe suicide is their only option. It’s time to take action, break the silence, and create a world where every man feels needed, wanted, and valued.
We owe it to our fathers, brothers, sons, and friends to foster a society that values every individual's worth and potential. Let’s commit to making these changes, no matter how long it takes, because every life is worth fighting for.
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