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Unraveling the Best Kept Secret of Personal Development

Personal development can often feel like a treasure hunt.

We're all in search of the hidden key that will unlock success and happiness. But, the true secret isn't about acquiring more knowledge, it's about 'unlearning'.

Think of your mind as a sponge, ever ready to absorb everything around it. From birth, we start learning from our surroundings and the people in our lives. This process imbues our minds with ideas and habits, like adding apps to a smartphone.

Some of these 'apps' or learned habits serve us well. Consider the process of learning to talk. As infants, our communication begins with mere babbling. We learn words and understand how to weave them together. This skill becomes a lifelong asset, enabling us to express our emotions, ideas, and needs.

Yet, not everything we learn benefits us. Some habits or notions may cause problems, much like a glitchy app on a phone.

Consider the belief that you must be perfect to succeed. This idea could push us to work hard, trying to do everything right. But it could also create stress, causing us to feel bad about ourselves when we make mistakes or don't reach that "perfect" mark.

It might even stop us from trying new things because we're afraid we won't be perfect at them. This belief, in the long run, can stop us from growing and trying new things, which are important parts of life.

Hence, the real key to personal development isn't about learning more.

It's about discerning which 'apps' or learned habits we need to uninstall from our 'smartphones'.

It's crucial to identify which habits benefit us and which ones impede our growth.

The secret to becoming the best version of ourselves lies in knowing when to learn and when to unlearn.

So, how do we identify these 'glitchy apps' or obstructive habits in our mind's smartphones?

The first step is to become aware of our thinking patterns and behaviors. Our focus should be on the recurring thoughts and actions that seem to inhibit us.

Often, these thoughts and actions connect to our beliefs - the ideas about the world we hold onto tightly.

Think of beliefs as glasses we wear to see everything around us. They create the base for how we understand life, and each belief is backed up by a story.

Indeed, our lives are collections of stories.

Every event we experience, and every emotion we feel, contributes to these narratives.

We undergo something, it elicits an emotional response, and to interpret it all, we spin a story around it. This is how we comprehend and interpret our life experiences.

Imagine this: One time, you had to present a project to your class or at a work meeting, and you tripped over your words. This incident might have made you feel embarrassed and anxious.

To make sense of these feelings, you might have started telling yourself a story:

• "I'm awful at public speaking"

• "People think I can't do anything right."

If you don't question this story that started from one awkward moment, it can turn into a belief, changing how you act in the future and how you see yourself.

This example shows how one single event can grow into a story and then into a belief, shaping our future actions and how we view ourselves.

It highlights how crucial it is to spot these stories and beliefs, especially the ones that are pulling us down.

By acknowledging them and figuring out where they came from, we can kick-start the process of unlearning and personal growth.

The Three-Step Story Changer

Now, let's introduce a powerful tool for your personal development journey - the 'Three-Step Story Changer':

  1. Story Spotlight: Bring those covert stories into the light. Identify the narratives that evoke discomfort, anxiety, or stress - the ones that continually resurface in your mind. Write all these stories down. Seeing them on paper can make them seem less intimidating and more manageable.

  2. Origin Quest: Once you've jotted down your stories, trace their roots. Ask yourself: "Who or what taught me this?" Essentially, you're playing detective with your own thoughts. You're scrutinizing the validity of these narratives and their sources. Whether they stem from parents, friends, teachers, or society, these stories mustn't go unchallenged. Just as you would confront false accusations from others, you must defend yourself from the false narratives you may be unwittingly telling yourself.

  3. Narrative Rewrite: This is the exciting part. With your stories identified and their origins understood, you're in the driver's seat. You can choose which narratives to retain and which ones to revise. Always remember, you're the author of your life story, and you possess the power to edit, erase, or rewrite any part of it.

The power to shape your life lies within you.

No longer should you let the stories written by others dictate your path. Instead, embrace the freedom to rewrite your narrative, one chapter at a time.

Remember, you hold the pen, and the rest of the book is waiting to be written. The choice is yours, and I believe in your ability to craft a life story that truly reflects your authentic self.

~Stefan Barbas


If you find it overwhelming dealing with your current limiting beliefs and would like some help to overcome them - Check out the Life By Design Program:

Pillar 2 is aimed to help:

  • Identifying Your Beliefs

  • Explore the Power of the Subconscious Mind

  • 7-Step Process to Crushing Limiting Beliefs

  • How to Form New Empowering Beliefs

If you want to know more let's have a chat:


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