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Why You Can’t Change (How to Reinvent Yourself)

I feel like everybody at some point in their life has met somebody who was truly inspiring.


These individuals seem to have life figured out. They know what they want and have a clear vision and firm determination.


You can feel their energy as they seem to be carving out their destiny right before your eyes.


And on the flip side, many of us also know people who seem to have buried themselves in a hole. They can't escape it.


They find themselves stuck in the same place each year. They want more but can't make the needed changes to live the life they want.


They feel negativity toward life. They struggle to identify the invisible forces holding them back.


What separates someone who feels they create their reality from someone who feels controlled by their circumstances?


I have been fortunate enough to work as a therapist for 5 years now.


I have spent a considerable amount of time around both of these types of people.


I've observed the patterns that keep people stuck and identified the shifts needed to feel in control of their lives.


It boils down to this:


You will always move toward what you believe serves you and away from what you believe does not.

The key phrase is what you believe.


If fear of making things worse stops you from moving forward, you will stay put.


No matter how bad your current situation is, fear of worse outcomes outweighs present discomfort.


Let me share a personal story to clarify this point.


My Story

For those who don’t know me, I’m Stefan, a therapist who now owns his own company. But it wasn’t always this way. I used to work a 9-5 job in government.


It paid well, but I always felt a deep desire for more. I hated the lack of independence and dreamed of owning my own business to gain freedom.


Despite this, I found myself unable to make the leap.


It took months to realize I was betraying my dream because I feared losing the security my job provided.


I despised working for someone else. But, the job's safety seemed more appealing than the life I truly wanted.


This realisation was a tough pill to swallow.


I was being controlled by a fear-based belief.


F.E.A.R—False Evidence Appearing Real—dominated my decisions.

The real change occurred when I began to question and shift my beliefs. I saw that staying in my position was far worse than starting a business.


My belief flipped: starting a business served me more than staying in my job.


Fast forward to today, and I enjoy the freedom and independence I craved.


This is why you might feel stuck in your life.


You want a better body, more money, and more freedom.


But, you don’t pursue these goals because of fear.


You've been programmed to make a heaven out of hell and a hell out of heaven.

Imagine living a life free from fear. Imagine who you could be if not crippled by fear-based beliefs.

Beliefs are the blueprint of your destiny. By changing the blueprint, you can construct a new reality.

Now, let’s discuss how beliefs are formed and how you can change them.


The Power of Belief

A belief is something you accept to be true, acting as a lens through which you view the world—your paradigm.


This paradigm formed during your early years. It came from influences by parents, caregivers, friends, teachers, and society. It consists of beliefs you’ve adopted without questioning them.


You have beliefs about everything:

  • How much money you can make?

  • How attractive you are?

  • Your self-worth?

  • How others should treat you in relationships?

  • Your confidence in various situations?

  • Cultural values important to you?


These beliefs are like the rules of a game guiding how you play the game of life.


Think of it as the "echo effect." If you shout, "I am strong!" into a canyon, it echoes back, "I am strong!"


This is how the world responds to your beliefs.


If you believe you can and act on it, you'll likely see results. They will confirm your abilities.


However, if you shout, "I can't do this," and think you're unworthy or incapable, you'll avoid opportunities or sabotage your own efforts. This will reinforce your original belief.


Understand this truth: Your self-view creates your worldview. The world reflects your beliefs back to you.

So, if you want to change your life, you need to adopt a new way of thinking. Break your old paradigm and create a new one.


The Paradigm Breaker:

Changing your life involves more than just actions; it's about altering your core self, your personality.


Many struggle. They aim to change habits but keep slipping into old patterns.


The real solution? Adjust your self-view, your deep beliefs about yourself.



Let me break it down for you:

  • Self-View: Your foundational beliefs about your capabilities and value that steer every aspect of your life.

  • Thoughts: The narratives crafted from your self-view that shape your perception of experiences.

  • Feelings: Emotional reactions stemming from your thoughts, influencing your belief system.

  • Actions: Decisions and behaviour are determined by the interplay of thoughts and feelings.

  • Personality: The ensemble of your consistent behaviors, emotions, and thoughts that define your character.


Change must originate from within; a superficial shift is temporary.


Real change requires delving deep into your core beliefs. It also requires nurturing growth from that inner space.


A tree's size depends on the depth of its roots. So, your life's growth depends on the strength of your core beliefs.


Now, to what you need to do next.


Be a Gardener of Your Mind

Imagine your mind as a garden.


Your beliefs are the seeds you plant, each representing a piece of your identity.


The choice of seeds is yours. Plant seeds of doubt and negativity. They will grow into plants that produce negative outcomes.


They will overshadow your potential.


The gardener's task is to spot and remove negative beliefs, which hinder growth.


Then, they plant positive beliefs, leading to a fulfilled life.


To shape your desired life, you should daily reinforce positive beliefs and discard negative ones.


By adjusting your core beliefs, you can change your life story.


This shift in self-view impacts your thoughts, feelings, and actions. It eventually alters your personality.


You need to embrace the journey of self-reinvention.


By changing your inner blueprint, you can reshape your outer reality. You will create a life that reflects who you truly want to be.


Changing your self-view is like knocking down the first domino. It creates a chain reaction that makes it impossible not to change.


That means your only task is to be the protector of your garden.


Start to become aware when the weeds (negative beliefs) begin to arise in your garden.


Pay attention to the times in life when you start to feel your emotions taking over.

Notice those moments when you feel like your heart races. Your palms sweat and your mind fills with worry or anger.


This is a sign there is a weed in your garden.


It is in this moment you need to eradicate it.


Ask yourself: What F.E.A.R. (False Evidence Appearing Real) am I trying to avoid right now?


 This false fear has power over you because you chose to breathe life into it.


When you question its validity, it will begin to dissolve, leaving a hole in your garden.


This is when you plant the new seed.


What beliefs do you want to have about yourself?

What would your future you want you to believe about themselves?


In those moments, you are creating your new reality, one seed at a time.


Closing Thoughts

So, to wrap things up, just remember this: your beliefs are like the seeds in your mental garden.


Nurture the positive ones, pluck out the negative weeds, and watch your life blossom.


It's about embracing change from the inside out. You must enjoy the journey as you grow into the best version of yourself.


Keep nurturing your garden,

Stefan



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